6 Terrible Audition Experiences Every Actor Has Had
Written by Amanda Grace
July 27, 2016
Left your last audition with both legs intact? It’s happened to the best of us. Here are the most memorable strikeouts every performer knows too well.
1. The “Wait For It”
You rehearsed for weeks. We’re talking in the car on the way to work, waiting in line at the supermarket, and the repeat shampoo in the shower. There is absolutely nothing on your mind but that poor glass unicorn. You’ve got this.
….Until you don’t.
So you stand there. And you wait. And you pray the first line of your monologue will come to you. The director’s giving you a combination of the smile you’d give a kid saying his first word and the side-eye reserved for huge wastes of time.
At this point, you’d settle for the first word, but it never comes. Instead, you improvise the newest spin-off of Tennessee Williams’ repertoire and high-tail it off the stage, hoping the theatre ghosts will smile on you at the next cattle call.
2. The “Dying Bird”
You’re at an open call for your favorite—well, if we’re being honest, third-favorite—musical, and you are absolutely, one-thousand-percent confident that no one else is singing your song. Being the pro you are, you’ve brought sheet music. What’s more, you’ve already got it in a binder, and in matte page protectors (lest the accompanist think you’re cheap). Your name is called; you slate confidently. The pianist seems competent, and you point out the starting point, stopping point, and key change. What could go wrong?
Remember that key change? Your accompanist did. You, however…
By the time you realize that you’re the source of the music director’s grimace, it’s too late to recalculate. The warrior in you suits up and barrels on to the end… after all, it was only your fifth-favorite musical.
3. The “Problem Child”
Of course, you might be on the opposite end of the preparedness meter. The issue isn’t so much with your audition package as it is with, let’s see… the missing headshot, the headshot with an 8.5 x 11″ résumé overhanging the back, the forgotten hair tie, the forsaken sheet music, the “I-forgot-to-get-gas-so-I’m-running-late” excuses…
You wore pumps to a dance call. You wore jeans to read for a period piece. You are that person.
Don’t be.
4. The “Cold Shoulder”
Okay, okay, so mistakes happen. But this time, it wasn’t your fault. It really, truly wasn’t. Don’t blame you! You sang your heart out; you even shed an actual tear. It was the performance of your life. Unfortunately, for the director, it was lunch break. He neither bats an eye at your undeniable talent nor your defeated exit.
No matter how testing your artistic journey, nothing can prepare you for being upstaged by a sandwich.
Hey. Schnitzel happens.
5. The “Power-Outage”
As a professional, you are all about taking care of your instrument. We’re talking gym time, filtered water, and lights-out at eight-thirty every. Single. Night.
…Oh, Tuesday? Your best friend had her annual hello-to-summer house party Tuesday night. But you deserve a cheat day, and it’s really no sweat, considering your audition is Wednesday afternoon. Right? Right?
WRONG. You don’t even know what happens between the time you slap that number on your chest ’til the moment you sit down in your car to drive home. You’re pretty sure you told the story. At the very least, you told a story.
Any other day, you’d beat yourself up over washing up, but today, you just don’t have the energy.
6. The “Walking Plague”
All of these are horrible moments for any performer, but there is one singular nightmare shared by every actor, regardless of age or experience. Picture this:
You’ve managed to avoid every one of these “worst-case” scenarios: your outfit is hanging on the closet door; your new character heels are scored and ready to go; your monologue is five seconds under time. You go to bed early, knowing that, with proper rest, the audition team will have no choice but to cast you.
Morning comes. The birds are singing. The sky is a cerulean dream. It’s a little bit cold, but you shake it off. Walking to the mirror gives you a chance to stretch your legs. In the glass, you notice a scarlet hue to your eyes… maybe your cat shed on your sheets. No matter.
Everything is absolutely fine. You decide to run your piece one more time…
Your throat is on fire. The chirping outdoors is swiftly silenced by a coughing fit like the world has never seen. You are sick. You go in, you make an effort, but your performance is rotten, and everyone in the room knows it.
After a bad audition, it feels like the world is over, and not in the way that the world was over when you finished streaming all six seasons of your favorite Netflix binge, but utterly, completely finished.
Your only job as an actor is to be as prepared as possible; circumstance hands you the rest. The good news is that there will always be another call around the bend, another chance to shine. If you do your part and persevere, opportunity will find you in the end. In the meantime, I’ll let you in on the sage secret that gets me through the flops: There is no sadness a spot of ice cream can’t handle.